Soft Hearts
running into the year of the horse
***Free Soundbath Alert! Wednesday 2/18 at 2pm at Yoga Tribe Brooklyn 1120 Washington Brooklyn, NY 2nd Floor***
- this soundbath will be filmed and participants will be briefly interviewed about their experience to help me find more people who want to join our beautiful community of radical self love!
Each year, when it turns cold, I retreat to the ocean. The sun, the waves, turning off my notifications and tearing myself away from my creative tools is imperative for keeping me grounded. the nature of it, the surrender, the trust it takes to take that break keeps my heart soft and open, ready to connect.
Puerto Rico was full of riches- I got to be surrounded by the community love created by music during Bad Bunny’s Super Bowl performance. I cried at how palpable it was - the joy, the magic, the connection he created just by sharing music. It clarified what I want to do for us.
Music is amazing that way and I feel so proud of how we are building our version of that at soundbath shows. I ate delicious food, felt the sun heal my inner shadows and let the ocean wash away fears of inadequacy. I recommitted to this path we’ve been weaving - it was ethereal, magical, painful and powerful…
But the story from the trip I want to share isnt about any of this. It’s a bit grittier. that has been my take away from this week - we are here, of the earth, in the dirt, in these bodies- and we are supposed to show up like that.
we answer our own prayers with the actions we take. with our willingness to fall and learn. by being messily and beautiful human, working. living. loving. noticing the curtains of darkness we cover ourselves with out of fear or shame and removing them one by one until we are smiling like idiots at eachother with nothing left to say - just shining hearts beaming out - so cringey in the best way, no matter what happens.
One afternoon, I stubbornly refused to allow my ocean time to be cut short by 60 degree misty weather. In my tiny hot pink bikini, I strutted down to the beach with my book on celtic paganism. Shivering, covered in goosebumps, I proceeeded to white knuckle my way through the book. Nate looked over at me and laughed. “maybe we should take a walk and then go inside.”
I agreed, wrapping a towel around me, and the rain seemed to stop for a moment. We walked along the beach passing the odd fisherman, a few fellow tourists stubbornly freezing together. I was meandering in thought and had fallen slightly behind Nate’s adventurous rock climbing self.
As we climbed over a big black volcanic rock, I heard Nate calling from just ahead of me “Elly come look, what should we do?”
He was pointing to a huge fish lying on the rock, not far from the water. The fish was very clearly still alive, struggling to breathe in its own way, its gills reaching for water, its tail flopping onto the rock, trying to move.
“we have to throw it back in!” I said, with no doubt in my mind at all. “I wonder how he got stuck up here!”
Nate went to grab some leaves to pick up the fish while I fished the hand sanitzer out of my beach bag. He grabbed that fish, waddled down to the water and released it back into the ocean.
As I was squirting the hand sanitizer into Nate’s hands, we heard a “HEY” behind us, and a fisherman we had passed on the other side of the rock was stomping in our direction. In that very instant it became clear that this was his catch, which he was planning to come back to. We froze.
“I am so sorry, we had no idea - we thought it was struggling”, I said. But the man was very upset, and just shook his head at me, walking away.
Nate and I chatted about if we should chase him to make up for it somehow, and in the end decided he didn’t want that from us- his anger walk had him very far away at this point- he was longggg gone.
I couldn’t help but giggle. Of course, I felt badly to have thrown that man’s catch away. A silly tourist, maybe it was his dinner.
At the same time, I felt very proud and happy to have saved the fish. More than all that- a past version of me would have felt deep shame in this moment- feeling I was bad, had done a bad thing, was wrong. That feeling of sinking in your tummy? I used to get that all the time. but...not this time! I felt secure in my choices. I felt safe in knowing..I had no idea! I was operating from love. How could I have known?
I had managed to stay soft. I had love and understanding for the fish, and for the fisherman. Even though he was very clearly cursing me.
This started a conversation- was I sociopath for not caring? Was I selfish? Am I broken now? Discompassionate?
… maybe I’m delusional, but I believe the answer is no! I’m at peace- knowing I did the best with what I had- knowing I feel deep real love for all involved, with no shame. Who do I think I even am?! :)))))) this is where I hope we all continue to go together in this community.
I hope we are able to stay soft and loving when someone is upset.
I hope we become able to giggle at the complexity of living with compassion and understanding.
Would you have saved the fish? Would you have felt guilty? Would you have chased the guys down to give him money? Do you think I’ve lost it? :) lmk!
Staying soft is what this lunar new year is asking of us as we are catapulted into sensations, experiences, circumstances and relationships we never saw coming. So that’s what the next Unstruck Sound Circle is focused on!
Gatherings:
<3 SOFT HEARTS <3 Online Meditation Intensive
2/18-3/21 7pm EST on Zoom
We will focus on Quan yin, mystical practices and the Avalokiteshvara mantra for compassion. Discord channel, recordings available and a fierce loving community await!
If you need financial assistance please let me know by responding to this email - my priority is that everyone who wants to do this work can!
The Seventh Gate Soundbath Tour- Get Tickets!
Tickets for this are going fast in every city, which makes me feel so grateful and proud of what we have built together.
If you plan on coming, be sure to grab your tickets in advance- and maybe bring a friend who could use some radical self and community love. What I love most about what we have is how accepting and loving the space we create is!
The seventh gate opens on March 3rd!!!!! I can’t believe it, and I am so excited for the journey on the other side of the album release. Feel free to presave it here!
This week:
2/18 2pm Filmed Soundbath at Yoga Tribe Brooklyn - Just show up! (but also maybe text or email me that you plan to attend so I know how many snacks to bring!) :)
2/20 7pm Craft Pilates Soundbath
2/22 Shine thru Healing Gathering with Toni Short 2-5pm
Can’t wait to see you out there,
Elly