protectors/gaslit
after the moon
*Coming up*
New Sound Portal ‘Moon’ is out 11/19 with the new moon. You can presave it here.
November 13th 7pm FREE Soundbath at Old First Church in Brooklyn at 7th and Carroll
November 14th Soundbath Pilates at CRAFT Pilates (2 spots left)
November 19th Yin Soundbath at Jivamukti Paris
Dec 6th Gaslit at Ki Smith Art Gallery in Manhattan - one night only soundbath performance with the band and visionary artist, Mónica Félix. Tickets are limited
Yesterday, the unstruck sound circle met for the first session of the Vajrasattva mantra - an intensive for breaking karmic cycles, releasing patterns that have a grip on our peace.
The conversation among us brought forward how critical we are of ourselves. There a voice in most of our minds that is constantly tapping our shoulder saying “nope not good enough” “you should do more” etc. even when we are accomplishing really powerful things.
The last few weeks, new music has been flowing through me. the music is very unexpected, tone poems really - wordless vignettes expressing energies, some ambient and lush others beats that make me want to dance. something deep is driving this project’s creation - I can’t seem to stop - but when I come up for air my mind immediately puts me down. The critical voices take over. I watch them.
They say “I don’t have a budget for this project. Who is going to want to listen to worldess strange textural songs in this world where our attention is sent to the next flashy thing? People will think this is really stupid and weird. Why bother? You should just go sing other people’s music again, it was easier. You’re releasing an album, you don’t have time or money for this. You’re wasting your life making little weird sounds in a room all day- you could be an opera STAR by now! (lol) Rosalia just did it better than I ever could, so why bother trying. ” (low key go listen to lux!)
These voices are loud. Maybe they are right. Maybe they are wrong. Regardless, they freeze me in my tracks and keep me from truth. The only way to drown them out is to put my mixing headphones back on and get back in the weeds composing - there the thoughts can’t touch me.
But what we came to together around this yesterday is: these voices are not enemies. They are invitations to get curious. They are protectors.
In the past, we inevitably experienced shame, pain and lack of control - it felt really uncomfortable. And so these voices looked at the circumstances and decided, “oh hey - I know how to avoid this now. Making weird sounds, singing imperfectly, “failing” “looking dumb” only happened when I was honest and vulnerable….so lets avoid that.” The voices strengthened themselves in our minds.
They became our fiercest, if misguided, protectors. Faithfully serving our nervous system’s safety - our belonging. These friends are very, very good at their jobs - keeping us from feeling discomfort.
If we can ask them what they fear- and remind them that it is safe to fail, things get interesting. My particular voices exist to help me believe I am worthy. The voices think worthiness comes from external validation. That makes sense - in the past external validation was how I learned the skill of singing well.
If I can help those voices realize that there is more to worthiness than outside opinions, they calm a bit. They soften. At the end of the day, they want what is best for me, they just get confused about what that means.
The key is maintaining authority over our experience. The truth is, as artists, revolutionaries, activists and well rounded people, we NEED to be scraping our knees! and PUBLICLY to demystify the experience. Leaders do weird shit that makes no sense to most people.
It doesn’t need to make sense to anyone else - divine impulse is divine impulse. Critical voices are no longer needed. Discerning voices are always welcome, but there is a large difference between criticism and discernment.
Discernment has the quality of loving acceptance of all options, with a clear preference. No judgment or heavy energy. Just clarity. This works in this moment, this does not.
So, I will be plugging away at this unexpected 8 piece wordless work, and I will share it when it is complete. Even if those critical voices try to stifle me, I will keep going and lean on discernment. Even if the preferences that come forward may be perceived of as weird. I am willing.
What are your critical voices protecting you from in your life? How can you take a step to bravely do the opposite of protecting, even if it feels like you might die?
The truth is - there is nothing to protect ourselves from. All experiences will be exactly what they are. And when we start living with the trust that we can face everything that comes our way without protection, peace becomes truly possible regardless of external circumstances.
DECEMBER SIXTH TWENTY TWENTY FIVE ~ GASLIT ~
Join us at Ki Smith Gallery on December 6th, 2025 for an extraordinary evening of sound, atmosphere and vision. Composer Elly Kace, in collaboration with visual artist Mónica Félix will present two new works Gaslight/Syzygy hand in hand. A full band soundbath combined with live projections will transform the art gallery into a luminous feel-scape.
This intimate experience invites you to remove your shoes, settle onto the floor, and surrender to the journey. Kace and her five-piece ensemble will share sound with quartz crystal singing bowls while Félix ‘s projections dance across the walls in real-time conversation with the music.
We’ll close with a restorative soundbath designed to soothe and regulate the nervous system, followed by community tea time—a chance to integrate, reflect, and connect.
We hope you can gather with us for this powerful ceremony.
Looking for holiday gifts? :) The Hold me closer crew neck is a really sweet and cozy option for somebody you want to keep warm, and it helps me create more music!
We have so many color options available on the website! If you grab one, take a photo in it and tag me on social media - I just might get you a discount on tickets to the next show! ;)
Let’s stay weird and drop the protections this week - together,
Elly
Another beautiful and thoughtful post -- THANK YOU!!!